UFOs: Potential threat to cranial electrotherapy stimulation

My wife and I recently bought this neat gadget that claims to alleviate pain, anxiety, depression, and insomnia, all of which we have. It’s called the Alpha-Stim®. It looks neat and it is neat.

Alpha-STEM: Looks neat, is neat.

Alpha-Stim: Looks neat, is neat.

The Alpha-Stim® uses microcurrent, at a level similar to electrical currents that appear to run through our body and brain all the time. When used on the brain, the approach is called cranial electrotherapy stimulation (CES). No one is quite sure why this additional tiny source of current helps, but in a limited number of peer-reviewed scientific studies, it does seem to work. Damn. I thought maybe a handful of patients might end up looking like this:

This is NOT a patient from an Alpha-Stim scientific study of CES.

This is NOT a patient from an Alpha-Stim scientific study of CES.

Electrotherapy actually has been around for at least 2000 years. In 46 AD, a physician instructed his patients to stand on a live black torpedo fish for relief of a variety of medical conditions, including gout and headaches. One of those patients may have looked a little like this:

Electrotherapy by fish (circa 46 AD).

Electrotherapy by fish (circa 46 AD).

Unfortunately, when my wife and I were busy conducting CES in our living room, a program came on the TV about The Shag Harbour UFO Incident. I realized at that point that UFOs play hell on electronics. What if a UFO came while we were self-administering CES? I might end up looking like this:

What you do NOT look like when receiving CET.

What I might look like if a UFO interrupted an Alpha-Stim CES session.

And, of course, I started Googling “UFOs” and “electrical problems.” According to the UFO Digest, one witness saw a “cone of light,” his car radio inexplicably shut off, and the vehicle’s engine and headlights died. The cone of light then transported the stalled car over 1500 feet before disappearing, leaving the automobile on the roadside.

The witness reportedly said:

“Everything [in the car then] came back to life, and I found myself staring into a dark but starry night. In the sky above, [at an altitude] of some…[6000 feet], I could see a cylinder-shaped light heading toward a nearby mountain range…the whole ordeal lasted a matter of seconds, but they seemed endless.”

Artist's rendition of car moved 1500 feet by mysterious UFO cone.

Artist’s rendition of car moved 1500 feet by mysterious UFO cone.

J. Allen Hynek, in a 1974 book, described some characteristics of Close Encounters of the Second Kind, which apparently include electrical problems:

“The physical effects reportedly include tangible marks on the ground that can remain in evidence for days or even months, and come ostensibly from physical contact of the craft with the ground, scorching or blighting of things (particularly plants and trees), discomfort to animals as evidenced by their behavior, and such physical effects on the human observer as temporary paralysis, numbness, a feeling of heat and other discomfort.”

At that point, I was numb and paralyzed, and my anxiety and depression had worsened. Further reports on the Alpha-Stim® and UFOs will be transmitted when they become available. At this writing, it is possible that Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 was abducted by aliens. I don’t think I’ll sleep tonight.

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About Keith Croes

Nice to meet you. Thanks for dropping by.

Posted on March 19, 2014, in Cultural observations, Medicine, Paranormal, Pop culture, Science, Technology and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Oh, I can reply here it seems. Do you get this as an email or does WordPress have its own inbox?

    I’ve read all your articles I get through this method. Quite enjoyable. I often can’t tell what’s facetious and what serious. For example, I’m at least 85% sure you’re not the least bit worried about using Alpha-Stim for fear of an ill-timed strafing UFO…

    🙂

    There’s some good anecdotal evidence for UFOs but that’s also good evidence for how malleable perception (an memory) can be, however if malleability of perception is to discredit UFOs, it must be noted that this same malleability also discredits that discrediting.

    -Nathan

    Like

    • Your comment comes to me as an e-mail, and I can choose to approve/disapprove it. But this is my second attempt at replying, so my settings may be screwed up. I wrote something about UFOs and quantum mechanics, but am disinclined to try and re-create it. Bottom line: I think the chance that UFOs exist is low. But low is not zero. ooo-WEEEE-ooooo.

      Like

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